A Look Back - Our Heartache in Miscarriage- 5 Years Later

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of "working" and attending the Orange Beach Yoga 'Get Clear In The New Year' Retreat. Something absolutely beautiful happened while we were enjoying Day 3 of the retreat activities. I had tons of notifications on Facebook coming thru like it was my birthday and I didn't know why. I was so in the moment of all that was happening that I didn't check them until after the event later that day. 

It turns out that day was the 5 year anniversary of the day we found out we were pregnant and losing our baby. This was the first year I have not been so overcome with grief that I just stayed in the bed. The amount of LOVE that I was smothered in that weekend kept the darkness away. 

I usually can't even tell our story this time of year without breaking down, but there was a room full of beautiful people at the retreat listening to my presentation that were all a witness to the wholeness I possessed while telling it. 

The date never crossed my mind while I was there because my baby came here to save my life and steer it in the direction of love, wholeness and health. That is where I am and I'll be forever grateful to our sweet little angel baby, Angelese.

For you to understand how Earthly Bodies came to be what it is today I have to take you back to the beginning, January 14, 2013. After reading you’ll have a better understanding of why this isn’t just a diet or fly by night change for me. This is my lifestyle. My life was saved through the tragedy below. Now my offering to God is to help people make their body a safe place to live.

January 17th, 2013 I was on the brink of death… This was all due to the optimistic naivety of both myself and my husband along with the inconsiderate, misguided direction and flat out ignorance of my OB/GYN and his staff at that time. Just 4 days prior on January 14th we received the best and worse news of our life in the span of a 2 minute conversation. “You’re pregnant Mrs. Ramos and I’m sorry, but you’re having a miscarriage.” At the time I was 36 years old and had never heard the words you’re pregnant nor had I seen that cute plus sign on a test that I’ve dreamed about. Following that call it was a dramatic day of calling 911, ambulances and emergency rooms that ended with me being sent home with instructions to keep my legs elevated so the ectopic could “pass”.

The morning of January 17th I was experiencing pain that registered 31 on a scale of 1-10. My skin was dull and grayish…it was obvious our baby was not “passing”, however I began to feel like I was. Boo took one look at me after waking to my groans and said “get your doctor on the phone” which I did. Per usual the receptionist had the personality of a lemon and proceeded to tell me I could come in the next day. All I can remember is feeling weak as I heard my husband’s voice say “lady you tell Dr H. we’ll be there in 20 minutes, goodbye.” Boo forced a few spoons of grits and eggs in me in an attempt to bring any sign of strength back to his wife. I honestly don’t even remember the ride…I only remember seeing red.

When we arrived I was placed on an exam table. The moment Doc touched me I jumped off that table like a wet cat from the pain. I watched the color leave his olive middle eastern skin as the camera showed him what he should have confirmed days earlier: our baby was weeks further along than he assumed and continued to grow in that blocked section of my right Fallopian tube. The doctor touched my hand and asked “have you eaten anything?” I told him about the few bites and he instructed me not to take in anything else because he was admitting me for emergency surgery.

After waking from anesthesia I was no longer pregnant and no longer had a right Fallopian tube. DESPAIR. According to Dr H. there was too much swelling for him to take a look at the remaining left tube. He wanted to go back in around March to do the procedure again and focus on the left side. Yeh Right!

The days following my laparoscopy were emotionally devastating. It felt like Satan had been waiting to pop the cork of my own special bottle of torment he’d had laid away for 36 years. But GOD and My Boo shielded me from that devastation. Praise The Lord for a man who prays for his wife! Looking back it saddens me that Boo had to be so strong…he suffered the same tragedy along side me…he lost our baby too.

Between January 14th and my second procedure on April 2nd (new and  amazing OB/GYN) I grew so tired of hearing the phrases “it’s not your fault”, “you did nothing wrong”, “no one knows why these things happen”, “there’s nothing you could have done”, ” don’t blame yourself.” But, how could I not? Who else was there to blame? Father GOD and I had a long talk because HE didn’t make me to think the way the doctor’s, family, friends and strangers wanted me to. There had to be something I could do…something I could control in this situation. As clearly as you’re reading this I heard HIM say “There is something you can do. You can control what you allow in your body. You can make your body the safest place for you and your babies to live.” WON’T HE DO IT?!?! From that moment I began researching, studying and preparing my mind to match up with what my heart wanted. This along with a support system that is unmatched led to becoming a plant based vegan May 3rd, 2013.

This is  the emotional aspect of me being and living a healthy natural life. This story is the driving force that cements why I will not go back to my old way of thinking and treating this temple of GOD. Our baby’s life was not in vain…our baby came to save my life!!! As of today I have maintained 55 lbs of weight loss, been delivered of hypoglycemia and no longer taking any medications. Not to mention my hair, skin and nails look amazing (others words not mine, LoL #teamhumble). I’m the happiest and healthiest me I’ve ever been! Thank you Father GOD, thank you My Love Christovia and thank you to our baby Angelese.